Trying to dodge around the dating world without setting yourself up for a fall is hard work. Unfortunately, most guys and gals are too shy to admit that they’re hella hot for each other; in fact, research by Match.com suggests that only 37 percent of singles are brave enough to flat out ask someone if they’re available.

So if you’re there thinking no one ever chats you up and wondering how to get a god darn date, then it might be the case that you’re just not picking up on the signals right in front of you.

With that in mind, here are some top tips on boosting your chances of getting a date without asking.

Passionate Creativity

Being a good flirt is one way to spark someone’s interest, but being a creative and savvy navigator will put you in the driver’s seat while making your intended date do all the asking. Afterward, they may wonder how it all happened, but they’ll be so impressed with your passionate creativity that they’ll hardly give it a second thought.

To get a date without asking, Amiira Ruotola, the wife of Greg Behrendt, who co-authored the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” suggests that a little imagination and ingenuity can go a long way. Giving someone a window of opportunity to ask you out will make it seem like it was mostly their idea. She suggests saying this:

“Oh my gosh! I don’t know if you know this, but this incredible window just opened up in the space-time continuum, and if you ask me out in the next five minutes, I’m going to say, ‘Yes.’”

Anyone who may be interested in you who also has a good sense of humor will hop on that opportunity in a minute. But you can give them the full five minutes if they’re a little slow on the draw. Putting a time limit on anything creates a sense of urgency. It says, acts now or lose the opportunity. This also adds a layer of spontaneity that makes it fun and exciting for the other person.

The Psychological Approach

If you want to take a more measured and cerebral approach, try taking the advice of Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., who is also known as “The Attraction Doctor.” Here are his five suggestions for taking an indirect approach to getting that date:

1. Make an indirect suggestion. Get what you want by proposing subtle alternatives.

You: What are your plans for the weekend?
Them: I was thinking about going fishing.
You: I was thinking about going to that movie you mentioned, would you like to come?

2. Make them think it was their idea to ask you out.

You: That restaurant you mentioned sounds great, maybe you’d like to go?
Them: Sure, why don’t we go there tomorrow night?

3. Make them come up with reasons not to do something (which can be difficult to do).

You: Your plans for the weekend sound fun. I’m going to see an art exhibit; perhaps you’d like to go?
Them: Sure, why don’t we go together?

4. Get them to go on that date by suggesting that they’ll benefit from the experience.

You: That coffee shop downtown has the best cappuccino. You should try it.
Them: I will. I like cappuccino.
You: Well, I could go for another one. Would you like to go on Friday?

5. Almost anyone will rise to the challenge of a dare or a bet. Make it a fun competition.

You: I have the best idea for a date. I would … (You describe the date.) Can you top that?
Them: No way. The best date would be … (They describe the date.)
You: Not bad. Actually, it sounds really good. I want to do that. Maybe we should do that. Are you game?

Dr. Nicholson warns that although very effective, using these techniques may be construed as somewhat manipulative. Therefore, he suggests using these techniques with a friendly smile and a flirtatious heart. That’s always good advice.

As you can see, there are many ways to get a date without asking—at least not directly. Now get creative, go out there, and get that date!

As strange as it seems, every couple can benefit from some time apart.   This does not mean you should break up, but getting some physical distance between the two of you.  The benefits can help build a stronger bond between you.  This distance doesn’t include a total lack of communication. It isn’t the distance that makes relationships fall apart; a lack of effort between partners makes the romance dissolve.

There are five things you can do to help your love grow, even long distance:

1) A relationship is built on trust

It’s easy to let doubt surface when you aren’t near your partner.  This has nothing to do with who your partner is.  It’s your insecurity testing you.   If you can’t trust him from long distances, how can you trust him when he’s close to you. Learn to build trust before being separated if possible, but also follow your intuition when apart. Stay in contact without becoming obsessive and live your lives knowing one day you will be back together.

2) You will be more appreciative

As hard as it is to be away from your partner, the distance can make you cherish your love a bit more. Time apart gives you time to look forward to each other.   It also gives you more of a chance to be grateful for each other. Sometimes, always being together can get tiring and can leave you complacent about a relationship. Time spent apart allows you to miss the little things about the other person like a real laugh, someone to lie beside in bed, or even a favorite shared meal.

3) You will have better conversations

If you only have a limited time to talk, make sure that what you say is important and clearly communicated. While it can be important to discuss household issues or bills, focus your communication on loving and happy topics to keep the relationship strong. Share about your days and how much the other person is missed and appreciated.

4)The foundation of your relationship will be put to the test.

Being in a long-distance relationship can help you see things the way they really are. From a distance, things can be really clear. For some relationships this may clearly show a need to break up, but for others it can strengthen the bond of how well you work as a couple.

5) You will notice how strong you and your relationship really are.

Not every relationship can or will survive long-distance.  But, by trying, you can see if you are both willing to invest yourselves in romance that will stand the test of time. This will not always be easy, but distance can create relationships that can withstand any obstacle.

Conclusion

Distance should not be used as a test for a new relationship, but if distance has to occur, then take on the challenge with the right mindset. Focus on the suggestions above and allow your love to be tested a bit. The truth about the strength of your relationship will all become clear.

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Does your marriage lack intimacy? Have the physical connections in your relationship gone cold? Although the first, and likely the most obvious, sign that intimacy has cooled between the two of you is a lack of sex, “intimacy” also covers other things. It can be touching, holding each other, kissing, or cuddling; any form of physical contact creates a positive emotional response in you.

If there are sexual difficulties, there may be another culprit lurking beneath the surface. One person may become frustrated, angry, and perhaps even blaming. So it’s important to look at the foundation upon which the relationship is built. Are there other elements present in the relationship that can hold it together? Do you have trust, respect, the commitment to make the partnership work, humor, and the drive to get past the issues at hand?

Intimacy can be shared in tender moments. For example, take an older couple who walk hand in hand and care for each other daily. Their intimacy may be displayed in the gesture of holding each other up, in a peck on the cheek, or in the care they show each other.

What can you do to improve the intimacy in your relationship? If you feel the issue is purely physical, then, by all means, see a medical professional, and keep up with yearly check-ups. However, if you believe there is more to it, then it’s time to take a look at the dynamics of the relationship.

Putting undue pressure on the intimate component of the relationship isn’t going to improve it. A relationship is like a garden, where we invest time and plant seeds. You may need to take inventory of how you are cultivating intimacy. Ask yourself these questions:

• What seeds are you planting to bring back the joy you once felt?
• Are you putting more time into planning dinner than bringing back the intimacy?
• Are the children taking priority over the relationship?
• If you’re too tired, is there a way to better manage your time?

Sex can become a tool for manipulation in a relationship. That is, sex can be used as leverage to get what one wants from the relationship. For example, is one partner feeling an expectation to perform at the drop of a hat, but all of the other ingredients are missing from the relationship? Do you feel that you can say “no,” or are you going through the motions without the depth and feeling you once had for each other?

Communication is essential in bringing back joy and love into a relationship. Take notice of the tones you are using with each other. Communicating in a positive way is like attracting a bee to honey. Spending time together in a loving manner can help improve the situation. It’s all about getting back to being friends again, talking, and acting with loving intent.

Here are four tips that can help you put intimacy back into your relationship:

1. Take the time to tell each other what you love about each other.Some couples may have to dig a bit to find something about their partner that makes them happy. For example, perhaps you love that your mate takes out the trash. Tell her!
2. Be appreciative of the little things that may have been going unnoticed.Start complimenting each other. This can help bring love back into the relationship.
3. Start talking about what you need to feel safe and secure so that you can share in intimacy. Take turns talking, and be sure to listen to each other and hear what message is being conveyed.
4. Make sure that you are loving and that you’re not expecting someone else to fill a void only you can.When taking an inventory of your situation, it is important to consider if you are happy with yourself. Are there any changes you need to make that could make you feel better? It’s hard to give or receive love if you’re unhappy with who you are.

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We often hear that for every person, there is one other who is the ideal partner. This partner is a soul mate.  The fiction behind this is that you will never find true happiness if you commit to someone other than one and only intended.  The whole concept of having a soulmate goes back to the Third Century and the teachings of Plato.

This idea has been the source of dissolution in relationships. When one partner is dissatisfied, they think the reason is that they are not with the right person.  Then they go on to look for the one who will make them complete.

The Greeks thought that each individual person was only a fraction of a larger entity.  Therefore, one’s life’s work was to find the missing piece to make themselves whole again.

This sounds good, but is it really possible? It sounds absurd, but even with our modern advancements and thinking, we find ourselves seeking the perfect one.

If the perfect soulmate is a real thing, what exactly does that mean?  Is it someone with whom you feel an attachment? Or is it the perfect communication partner?

The only one for me.

The danger in believing that there is just one person/soul to complete us is just plain unrealistic.  If you convince yourself that there is truly a right one, you can miss out on love and life. You also risk making yourself unhappy as you seek out someone who meets every one of your requirements.

I’m nothing without you.

A mistake people who are on the soul mate hunt make is they think they need someone else to make them truly whole. All around us, we see how there is beauty in discordance.  You don’t have to find someone who moves in perfect unison with you; you can find someone who adjusts to your rhythms and embraces your differences.  This will allow for an equal partnership. If you are looking for someone to complete you, you may find that you are doing all of the work to keep a relationship on track.

Finding the right one

Regardless of whether or not you believe there is just one for you, you can read the signs of a healthy relationship.

If you respect each other, your partner’s thoughts and ideas are just as important as yours.  You both openly listen to each other and contribute to making everything better for each other. Rather than getting tired of each other, every day you spend together deepens your attachment. Another sign is that your overall happiness increases. A healthy relationship may or may not be a soulmate relationship, but if it makes you both happy, stay together and build something special. Soulmates are those that fill our soul and heart with love and mutual respect for one another. This is what really matters.

The stress of losing your job is a nightmare. But, even today, when the specter of unemployment is touching everyone you know, it is not any easier to go home and tell your spouse or partner or loved one, “I just got fired.”

As bad as it is for the person getting fired, it is worse for the loved one.

The longer the unemployment lasts, the worse it gets, and the situation has destroyed many relationships. Yet, I have seen firsthand the silver lining: It has made many relationships better and stronger.

Here’s what you can do to cope with your unemployed partner.

• Don’t Enable Them

Allow your partner to feel the feelings associated with job termination for a few days, but don’t let them wallow. Don’t let them lie around the house in the same pajamas for days, watching crap daytime television. That’s enabling them. Unemployment isn’t a vacation or a break from the real world. If you have bills to pay, your partner should find employment as soon as possible. You can help by encouraging them. Remind them that they are awesome at what they do and be optimistic about a new and better job in the near future. If your partner sees that you can be positive, they can be positive too.

• Give Them More Chores to Do

Perhaps you were sharing chores because you were both working. Now that your partner is unemployed, they can take on more of the chores while you earn money. They can do the grocery shopping, banking, laundry, and cooking. They can take the kids to school and pick them up. They can drive the kids to ballet or soccer. Don’t give them all the chores; just give them more than they had before. They have the time now.

• Give Them Things to Do Around the House

Create a “Honey Do” list filled with home improvement projects. For example, they can clean out the hall closet, pack the summer clothes away, repaint a bedroom, or file paperwork. Give your partner tasks you know they can do and weave them into the other responsibilities they’ll have during their unemployment. If they’re bored, you’re giving them something productive to do. If they don’t want to do all this work, you may be lighting a fire under them to ramp up their job hunt.

• Call Them Out on Their B.S.

You may feel hesitant about initiating an argument when your partner is already feeling depressed about being unemployed. But, if you know they aren’t making a real effort to get a new job, you need to call them out on their B.S. They can still network if they say there are no jobs to apply for (which might be true). They can still send their resumes to companies they’d like to work for. They can work on acquiring new skills through online tutorials or classes. Your partner should be doing something every day to improve their marketability.

• Don’t Become Their Career Coach

Your partner has to want to find a new job—you can’t want it for them. And remember, they know how to find a job on their own because they’ve done it before. So don’t send them job postings on a daily basis. Don’t contact recruiters or companies for them, and don’t send their resumes out for them. You may think you’re helping them, but the truth is your partner could start resenting you!

•  Make Them Commit to a Routine

They had a routine when they were working, and they should have one while they were unemployed. Your partner should get up at the same time every day, have breakfast, shower, do a job search, go to the gym, network, and take a class to learn a marketable skill. Your unemployed partner should use the time wisely.

•  Cut Back On Luxuries

Luxuries include any extras you enjoyed when you were both employed. This includes eating at restaurants, taking vacations, buying things just for fun, and even getting fancy coffee drinks. These are all things you and your partner can do without. Downgrade your living situation or get rid of a car if you can. You don’t want to blow through your savings and retirement funds or go into major debt supporting yourselves during a partner’s unemployment. And don’t make the mistake of trying to maintain your lifestyle on one salary—you can’t do it, and if you try, you’ll start to feel like your partner is a mooch. This will ultimately lead to resentment.

Remember, Unemployment is Temporary

An unemployed, non-disabled individual with marketable skills will find a job. But it could be weeks or months (or years) before something decent pops up, and while your partner is waiting for that next great career move, they need to consider taking any job they can get as long as it helps pays the bills. Remember, money comes and goes but resenting your partner can turn into a relationship disaster. Get through the struggle and try to come out better for it.

We all come to expect that our closest romantic partners will “be there” for us in times of need. But, like it or not, you also unconsciously measure whether your partner is good enough for you or vice versa. Research into relational entitlement is now putting under the microscope this set of attitudes and trying to determine whether and how it relates to a couple’s satisfaction with each other. So, are you guilty of expecting too much from your partner?

Allow these eight facts of an unfulfilled relationship to answer that question for you:

• You Think it Should be All About You

The psychotherapist Albert Ellis once said, “Where is it written that others must act the way we want them to—it may be preferable, but not necessary.” In other words, there’s no rule that people need to act the way we want them to, and it isn’t necessary for them to do so. George Valliant, the man who has studied human happiness for most of his life, says, “A cardinal rule for happiness is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less.” Translation: It’s not all about you all of the time. You will find that you enjoy your partner most when you are not expecting too much from them. You’ll be satisfied by your connection if you are not seeking out specific moments of happiness. On the other hand, if you think your partner should always act the way you want them to, you expect too much from them.

• There’s No Commitment

People in committed relationships make serious compromises and sacrifices. If you and your partner aren’t committed to each other, you can’t expect them to make serious compromises and sacrifices for you. You can’t expect them to, and they shouldn’t! If you expect compromises and sacrifices from a partner you aren’t committed to, you expect too much.

• You Won’t Make Sacrifices for Them

You may expect your partner to give up certain things for you, but would you give up those same things for them? Of course, if you wouldn’t make the same sacrifices for your partner, you have no right to ask them to make sacrifices for you. But, if you do, you expect too much.

• You Rely on Them for Your Excitement and Romance

You can’t rely on your partner to bring all the excitement and romance to your relationship. You also need to bring excitement and romance to the relationship, which comes from your sense of wonder and desire for adventure. In multiple studies, it has been suggested that couples are more satisfied with each other when they are constantly engaged in interesting and novel tasks. So if you want more fire in your relationship, it is also up to you to provide the spark.

• You’ve Cheated (or Considered Cheating)

Cheaters claim they cheated because they were unhappy in their relationships and they were unhappy because their partners did not meet their expectations. Unfortunately, nearly 90% of people who believe in true love and soul mates also believe that there is one person who holds the key to satisfying most everything they need. That is a lot to ask of one person, and their soul mate will inevitably fail to meet their needs. So this failure makes cheating okay in the cheaters’ minds, and they look for side relationships. Don’t fall into this trap! If you expect your partner to hold to the key to satisfying all your needs, you expect too much.

• You Expect Sex to be Great, but Don’t Work to Make it So

Sex can become monotonous and boring in a long-term relationship, but only if you and your partner allow it to be. You expect too much if you rely on your partner to shake things up in the bedroom. Start a discussion about new toys and techniques if you’d like to try them. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Communicate your reasonable needs and expectations.

• You Let Technology Get in the Way

Technology can create a lot of problems in relationships. Whether it’s a distracting annoyance or the platform for a heated argument between you and your partner, technology gets in the way of a happy relationship. According to a study in the “Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy,” couples who attempt to solve problems over text, email, or chat are less satisfied with their partners than those who solve their problems in person. It may take more time to do it the old-fashioned way—but it’s better.

• You Expect too Much Out of Life

We are expected to make the most of life—be as successful as we can be—and that doesn’t always make us happy. Often, we set expectations for ourselves that are too high, so it’s no wonder that we also set expectations for our partners that are too high. Research suggests that it’s better to lower your expectations (of yourself and others) so that when they are exceeded, you feel happy. When it comes to great relationships, the secret is to expect the basic necessities from your partner (affection, commitment, intimacy, etc.) and consider everything else the icing on your romantic cake.

The lesson is to approach a relationship as a partnership in which both people must be willing to give and take part in every aspect. We cannot expect our partner to do it all because it is impossible.

Is there such a thing as a perfect romance? If there is such a thing as a companion for the rest of your life, how do you know when you will meet them? But, more importantly, how do you know if you have already met them. It is a commonly expected need to find our perfect match.  Our soul mate.

If such a thing exists, what happens if we never find them? Will we ever be happy?  Can happiness find us without our perfect match?

Is it just a fantasy?

Think for a minute about your past romances. Catalog the things you loved and hated about them. Did the most charming and dashing of them forget the important things like your birthday or trivial things like taking out the trash? Or did the romantic and thoughtful sweetheart truly hate your best friend? Did your intellectual match isolate himself and you as well?  If you had the chance to build a perfect match with all of the good traits and none of the bad, would you?

Is it a mistake?

Think for a minute before you agree to build the perfect mate.  You are taking on a thankless and impossible task.  Real people aren’t supposed to be perfect. Perfection is an impossible fantasy, and expecting anyone to fit that mold is not fair.  How would you feel if you were told you had to be the perfect mate for someone else? You would drive yourself crazy just trying.

Don’t disregard your chances

In our world of online dating and multiple websites filled with potential matches, it is far too tempting to pass on someone thinking you can just order another one up on the pictorial menu.  Unfortunately, you may be cutting someone from the herd far too soon. So what if the first date was a little awkward, maybe you had fun, and your date had a great sense of humor.  Give it a chance.  If you have been in a relationship for some time and are having difficulties, remember that no one is perfect and that part of the journey is sticking with all of the trials and tribulations.

Learn by your own example

Make the most of the relationship you have. Love your current partner in the way you would like to be loved.  Be as patient, accepting, and affectionate with your partner as you would like to be treated.  You have to give love to receive. Remember, you are not perfect either and it is the imperfection that keeps life interesting.

See challenge as an adventure

An old saying states that anything worth having is worth working for. The same thing goes for a romance.  The day-to-day work involved with a relationship is not any easier if one of you is flush with cash or a dead ringer for a supermodel. Adversity comes to everyone, no matter who they are or what their circumstances are.

Don’t lose out

If you’re looking for your perfect romance, you are in for a long and lonely search.  Don’t overlook the kind, generous people who have some flaws to add to their charm.  Don’t pass up the opportunity to be loved just because you are seeking perfection.  Love completely and passionately, and you will find your own kind of perfection.

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