How to Get a Date without Asking First

Trying to dodge around the dating world without setting yourself up for a fall is hard work. Unfortunately, most guys and gals are too shy to admit that they’re hella hot for each other; in fact, research by Match.com suggests that only 37 percent of singles are brave enough to flat out ask someone if they’re available.

So if you’re there thinking no one ever chats you up and wondering how to get a god darn date, then it might be the case that you’re just not picking up on the signals right in front of you.

With that in mind, here are some top tips on boosting your chances of getting a date without asking.

Passionate Creativity

Being a good flirt is one way to spark someone’s interest, but being a creative and savvy navigator will put you in the driver’s seat while making your intended date do all the asking. Afterward, they may wonder how it all happened, but they’ll be so impressed with your passionate creativity that they’ll hardly give it a second thought.

To get a date without asking, Amiira Ruotola, the wife of Greg Behrendt, who co-authored the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” suggests that a little imagination and ingenuity can go a long way. Giving someone a window of opportunity to ask you out will make it seem like it was mostly their idea. She suggests saying this:

“Oh my gosh! I don’t know if you know this, but this incredible window just opened up in the space-time continuum, and if you ask me out in the next five minutes, I’m going to say, ‘Yes.’”

Anyone who may be interested in you who also has a good sense of humor will hop on that opportunity in a minute. But you can give them the full five minutes if they’re a little slow on the draw. Putting a time limit on anything creates a sense of urgency. It says, acts now or lose the opportunity. This also adds a layer of spontaneity that makes it fun and exciting for the other person.

The Psychological Approach

If you want to take a more measured and cerebral approach, try taking the advice of Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., who is also known as “The Attraction Doctor.” Here are his five suggestions for taking an indirect approach to getting that date:

1. Make an indirect suggestion. Get what you want by proposing subtle alternatives.

You: What are your plans for the weekend?
Them: I was thinking about going fishing.
You: I was thinking about going to that movie you mentioned, would you like to come?

2. Make them think it was their idea to ask you out.

You: That restaurant you mentioned sounds great, maybe you’d like to go?
Them: Sure, why don’t we go there tomorrow night?

3. Make them come up with reasons not to do something (which can be difficult to do).

You: Your plans for the weekend sound fun. I’m going to see an art exhibit; perhaps you’d like to go?
Them: Sure, why don’t we go together?

4. Get them to go on that date by suggesting that they’ll benefit from the experience.

You: That coffee shop downtown has the best cappuccino. You should try it.
Them: I will. I like cappuccino.
You: Well, I could go for another one. Would you like to go on Friday?

5. Almost anyone will rise to the challenge of a dare or a bet. Make it a fun competition.

You: I have the best idea for a date. I would … (You describe the date.) Can you top that?
Them: No way. The best date would be … (They describe the date.)
You: Not bad. Actually, it sounds really good. I want to do that. Maybe we should do that. Are you game?

Dr. Nicholson warns that although very effective, using these techniques may be construed as somewhat manipulative. Therefore, he suggests using these techniques with a friendly smile and a flirtatious heart. That’s always good advice.

As you can see, there are many ways to get a date without asking—at least not directly. Now get creative, go out there, and get that date!